November 2006, Daniel and I made the decision to start trying for a baby. I had spent 4 years on the birth control pill and had always hear from the nurses at the Health Unit, " if you skip JUST one pill, you run the risk of getting pregnant! " So naturally, I thought that Daniel and I would get pregnant immediately after stopping the BCP. I was also naive in thinking that just because my cycle was 28 days on the BCP that the normal cycle of a day 14 ovulation and a perfect 14 day LP would apply to my new cycles after taking my last pill.
It did not.
My cycles were all over the map. I was peeing on sticks constantly thinking that a late period MUST mean I am pregnant...
It does not.
By the time our wedding came in January 2007 I was sure I going to get pregnant on our Honeymoon.
I did not.
Our 1 year wedding anniversary came and went with no baby in sight. I began to wonder if I was broken. Maybe I just CAN'T have kids.. That was a terrifying thought. I was talking to my Mother In Law one day and she mentioned to me, that with Daniel's illness as a child, the doctors gave him medication that may have made him sterile... I cried many tears at that information. We began talking about our options. Adoption came up, naturally. I was devastated thinking I may never hold and love a baby that Daniel and I made out of love. I tried to forget about trying to conceive for a little while. We focused on our plans to move to Hawaii later that year. Summer time came and it seemed my cycles were finally getting a normal pattern to them.
July 2008, Daniel and I did several road trips and made many special memories. Including our first 4th of July in the USA and later that month my first Creation Fest experience. It was amazing and so peaceful and gave me hope that maybe God really did have a baby in our future. In August when I saw my doctor, he told me he wanted to run some tests on myself and Daniel. We agreed. We were supposed to come in when my next period came.
In September after getting used to my normal cycles, and noticing that I seemed to be having another long one. I took yet another pregnancy test. But this time there were 2 VERY pink lines. I was shaking. Absolutely vibrating.
Abigail was born 9 1/2 months later.
After Abigail's 1st birthday, I knew I was ready to try again. This time, I was armed with more knowledge. I was charting my Body Basal Temps, Cervical mucus and using Ovulation Predictor Kits. I learned massive amounts of information about my body through this. I learned, that I do not ovulate 14 days after my period starts, like I was led to believe. Instead it turns out I was missing ovulation by 4 days. I also learned that my Luteal Phase was shorter then 14 days. I did not have a " normal " cycle. I had this valuable knowledge. Using it, we were able to conceive our sweet son Isaiah in less then a year! 10 months to be exact. I was thrilled. 10 months compared to the 19 months we spend trying to conceive Abigail, was AMAZING!
9 1/2 months later Isaiah was born sleeping.
I was completely heartbroken but I willed myself to try again immediately. I knew it my heart, that even with all my charting, it would take close to a year for us to conceive our rainbow baby. I was right. 2 days shy of Isaiah's 13th month in Heaven, we found out we were expecting our Lillian. For 12 perfect weeks I was happily pregnant, totally unaware of the fact that Lillian went to Heaven 6 weeks earlier. After 10 days of waiting for my miscarriage to start, Lillian came without a fight. Perfect and whole.
Today marks 2 months, 1 week and 5 days since I said goodbye to Lillian.
45 months of trying to make our family.
When we first started this journey, I never in a million years, thought it would take this long. But here we are...
45 months later. One happy healthy 4 year old little girl. One sleeping son, and one tiny precious angel. Many tears, and many memories. But I know, we are not done. We will keep trying, month after month for one more healthy, happy baby.
It did not.
My cycles were all over the map. I was peeing on sticks constantly thinking that a late period MUST mean I am pregnant...
It does not.
By the time our wedding came in January 2007 I was sure I going to get pregnant on our Honeymoon.
I did not.
Our 1 year wedding anniversary came and went with no baby in sight. I began to wonder if I was broken. Maybe I just CAN'T have kids.. That was a terrifying thought. I was talking to my Mother In Law one day and she mentioned to me, that with Daniel's illness as a child, the doctors gave him medication that may have made him sterile... I cried many tears at that information. We began talking about our options. Adoption came up, naturally. I was devastated thinking I may never hold and love a baby that Daniel and I made out of love. I tried to forget about trying to conceive for a little while. We focused on our plans to move to Hawaii later that year. Summer time came and it seemed my cycles were finally getting a normal pattern to them.
July 2008, Daniel and I did several road trips and made many special memories. Including our first 4th of July in the USA and later that month my first Creation Fest experience. It was amazing and so peaceful and gave me hope that maybe God really did have a baby in our future. In August when I saw my doctor, he told me he wanted to run some tests on myself and Daniel. We agreed. We were supposed to come in when my next period came.
In September after getting used to my normal cycles, and noticing that I seemed to be having another long one. I took yet another pregnancy test. But this time there were 2 VERY pink lines. I was shaking. Absolutely vibrating.
Abigail was born 9 1/2 months later.
After Abigail's 1st birthday, I knew I was ready to try again. This time, I was armed with more knowledge. I was charting my Body Basal Temps, Cervical mucus and using Ovulation Predictor Kits. I learned massive amounts of information about my body through this. I learned, that I do not ovulate 14 days after my period starts, like I was led to believe. Instead it turns out I was missing ovulation by 4 days. I also learned that my Luteal Phase was shorter then 14 days. I did not have a " normal " cycle. I had this valuable knowledge. Using it, we were able to conceive our sweet son Isaiah in less then a year! 10 months to be exact. I was thrilled. 10 months compared to the 19 months we spend trying to conceive Abigail, was AMAZING!
9 1/2 months later Isaiah was born sleeping.
I was completely heartbroken but I willed myself to try again immediately. I knew it my heart, that even with all my charting, it would take close to a year for us to conceive our rainbow baby. I was right. 2 days shy of Isaiah's 13th month in Heaven, we found out we were expecting our Lillian. For 12 perfect weeks I was happily pregnant, totally unaware of the fact that Lillian went to Heaven 6 weeks earlier. After 10 days of waiting for my miscarriage to start, Lillian came without a fight. Perfect and whole.
Today marks 2 months, 1 week and 5 days since I said goodbye to Lillian.
45 months of trying to make our family.
When we first started this journey, I never in a million years, thought it would take this long. But here we are...
45 months later. One happy healthy 4 year old little girl. One sleeping son, and one tiny precious angel. Many tears, and many memories. But I know, we are not done. We will keep trying, month after month for one more healthy, happy baby.
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